Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Let the Train Come

How often do your crises come?
How often do you feel like a failure?
Is your life NOW what you expected?
Mine's not...

It's taken a LONG time to admit that.
Is this what a mid-life crisis feels like?
How come I was so sure at 19 where
I wanted to be when I was 40?
How come now that I'm 40, am I no longer
sure where I wanna be?

My sister told me last night I turned out all right.
That felt laughable when she said it.
Failure was HUGE last night.
It's been a very long time since I cried myself to sleep.

Why can't 1 day BE Freaky Friday?
Why can't you give your memories to your child for just 1 day?
Would they learn from your mistakes?
Would they understand your only regret?

I had to let go of 1 last year.
She's doing so good.
I didn't give her enough credit.

I have to let go of 3 more this year.
I'm not as confident.
I see the trainwreck of regret baring down on 1.
Do I sit back and just let the train come?

Will I always need to "get to" my kids?
Does that feeling EVER go away?
When they have their own?
This feeling has evolved in ways I least expected...

No more crying...
Sink or swim...
Forge ahead...
Trust in them...

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